Fit by Fifty

So part of my anxiety problem means that I can have some pretty negative thoughts running through my head at any given moment.  I can imagine HORRIBLE future scenarios, and feel them in my mind and body and emotions as if they are real and happening right now, even though they are 100% in my imagination.  It's pretty awful and a great reason to never try to go off my meds ever again.  I can feel frozen, as if just getting up off the couch is an insurmountable task and as if nothing will ever be good again and I will never be happy. Long story short: Anxiety sucks.  It's a liar.  But it's something I have to accept and deal with bc my brain is broken, apparently.  So it is what it is.   But I noticed something today.  While I'm working out, those voices in my head that dream up awful scenarios get quiet.  My imagination tends toward happy things, fun things!   *I imagine myself as a contestant in a dance competition dancing with a partner to fun music.   *I imagin

Just proving that I *did* go to the gym today.   I'm eating well and my brain is getting the chemicals it needs  and I'm getting back in the swing of things. Feels good.  

I'm recovering from a pretty significant mental crash.  I had been backing of my anti anxiety meds and I think I went too low too quickly.  And I bottomed out.  It was rough.  Inside my head it was very dark and the thoughts I was thinking were full of worst case scenarios about my future.  There were a few days where I could barely get off my couch.  I felt frozen, paralyzed.  Fear washed over me in waves.  I hate anxiety.  It's such a liar.  I don't want to write about what the fears and lies centered around on here... for one this is not what this blog is about and also, I'm just not ready to write it out and make it that concrete yet.   Suffice it to say, I have upped my meds and am calling my doctor tomorrow for an appt.  I am feeling MUCH better, but know that I need to be aware of what's going on in my brain.  I don't mind taking meds.  The way I see it, no one ever expects a diabetic to go off their meds completely.  If my brain needs chemicals, I'