Fit by Fifty

My workout today:  (snapchat always makes me look so much cuter than I really do at the gym!) I hate burpees.   I mean, like, super hate. But supposedly they are really good for you, so I do them.   *sigh*  And I try not to have a bad attitude about it.  ;-)   And since I started working out in September I have been kinda just half-assing them,  to be honest.  But today I decided to see if I could actually do them properly on my last round  of my workout.  AND I DID.   I did 10 burpees as properly as I could. MY BODY CAN DO THEM!  It's a reward for all my hard work.  I know I haven't been as consistent as I would like to be.  No one to blame but myself for that.  And yet my body blesses me and rewards my hard work by becoming stronger and healthier and more tireless.  It has given me more stamina and tenacity.  My body is rewarding me even though I haven't been perfect for it. Amazing.   I need to treat my body better. It likes the gym

So part of my anxiety problem means that I can have some pretty negative thoughts running through my head at any given moment.  I can imagine HORRIBLE future scenarios, and feel them in my mind and body and emotions as if they are real and happening right now, even though they are 100% in my imagination.  It's pretty awful and a great reason to never try to go off my meds ever again.  I can feel frozen, as if just getting up off the couch is an insurmountable task and as if nothing will ever be good again and I will never be happy. Long story short: Anxiety sucks.  It's a liar.  But it's something I have to accept and deal with bc my brain is broken, apparently.  So it is what it is.   But I noticed something today.  While I'm working out, those voices in my head that dream up awful scenarios get quiet.  My imagination tends toward happy things, fun things!   *I imagine myself as a contestant in a dance competition dancing with a partner to fun music.   *I imagin

Just proving that I *did* go to the gym today.   I'm eating well and my brain is getting the chemicals it needs  and I'm getting back in the swing of things. Feels good.  

I'm recovering from a pretty significant mental crash.  I had been backing of my anti anxiety meds and I think I went too low too quickly.  And I bottomed out.  It was rough.  Inside my head it was very dark and the thoughts I was thinking were full of worst case scenarios about my future.  There were a few days where I could barely get off my couch.  I felt frozen, paralyzed.  Fear washed over me in waves.  I hate anxiety.  It's such a liar.  I don't want to write about what the fears and lies centered around on here... for one this is not what this blog is about and also, I'm just not ready to write it out and make it that concrete yet.   Suffice it to say, I have upped my meds and am calling my doctor tomorrow for an appt.  I am feeling MUCH better, but know that I need to be aware of what's going on in my brain.  I don't mind taking meds.  The way I see it, no one ever expects a diabetic to go off their meds completely.  If my brain needs chemicals, I'

It's not happening as fast as I would like for it to, but I do believe it is happening.  My body is getting STRONGER!  My legs, especially have better muscle tone.  I also feel like I have more energy and more stamina.  Example: I can (almost) do burpees properly now, and in the beginning I just stepped back and stepped forward instead of jumping back and jumping forward.   So... as LK says, consistency is the key!  So I shall do my best. My food has been a bit hit and miss while I'm traveling.  (I'm in Japan now.) Sometimes while I'm traveling I just have to eat what and when I can.  Running through the airport just to stand in more lines in Shanghai does not give me a lot of choices.   (WORST layover ever, btw.) I am doing my best!  And I do believe it will pay off.   But I'm ready to be home and get back to the Y and back to being in control of my food.   5 more days...!

This is a good body.   It's not even close to perfect. It has many flaws and many areas I do not like to look at.  It has bladder issues. It has hamstrings so tight that touching my shins is as far as I can stretch sometimes.   But nevertheless, it is a good body. These are the thoughts I was thinking today as I did my workout here in my hotel in Spain.  This body can work hard.   This body can do all the things I am asking it to do.  This body is growing stronger- I can feel it.   I am grateful. I have a dear friend who would love to be able to exercise, but absolutely cannot due to back issues.  She is very limited in what her body can handle, and that is a  tough thing to accept.  We all have limitations, but hers are extreme and cause her a lot of physical pain and mental anguish.   I can get very down on this body. Critical. Judgemental. Wanting it to change quicker than it is able to right now.   But what this body needs is my gratitude.   This body h