crash

I'm recovering from a pretty significant mental crash.  I had been backing of my anti anxiety meds and I think I went too low too quickly.  And I bottomed out.  It was rough.  Inside my head it was very dark and the thoughts I was thinking were full of worst case scenarios about my future.  There were a few days where I could barely get off my couch.  I felt frozen, paralyzed.  Fear washed over me in waves.  I hate anxiety.  It's such a liar.  I don't want to write about what the fears and lies centered around on here... for one this is not what this blog is about and also, I'm just not ready to write it out and make it that concrete yet.  

Suffice it to say, I have upped my meds and am calling my doctor tomorrow for an appt.  I am feeling MUCH better, but know that I need to be aware of what's going on in my brain.  I don't mind taking meds.  The way I see it, no one ever expects a diabetic to go off their meds completely.  If my brain needs chemicals, I'm happy to give it chemicals for as long as it needs them.  

Working out was not on the agenda while I was in the midst of this darkness.  I *did* make myself eat well and drink a lot of water, because I know that what I eat and drink can make a big difference in what my brain is making me feel.  

But now that I am better, it's time to get back into the gym.  

I have been using a thermogenic fat burner with my meals (something my friend Heidi recommended for me while I was in Japan) and I do think I have lost a few pounds and some inches too.  Still a long way to go, but I know that staying focused is the key.  

So now that my brain is better, I can get my focus back on this goal of getting fit!  

Here goes....